Primal urges
by Deanwinchestersgirl4
Summary: After a fight over ruby, things go horribly wrong for Sam and dean as sam travels through Deans memories and struggle as horrible things about his brother come to light. Things only get worse when a figure from the past comes back to haunt the winchester boys. (Hurt!abused!suicidal!dean protective!worried!sam protective!castiel) (set before/after the season 4 finale)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: hey guys! This fic just came up, grabbed me by the shoulders, and screamed in my face "WRITE ME! WRITE ME WRITE ME WRITE ME NOW!". So here I am, writing it :)! I hope y'all enjoy it and if y'all get/have any protective!sam fic you want me to write (as long as sam's protective of dean (my fav. Fics btw)). Any way Laterz!**

* * *

Chapter one- beginning

Sam paced around the room, his strides long and agitated. He clenched his teeth in self anger. He couldn't believe he said that to his brother. He sighed and put his weight down harshly on his bed and ran his fingers through his hair for the 200th time in the last two hours. He slowly let out a deep sigh and tried to hold back the tears of guilt he felt burning the back of his eyes. He tried to swallow around the baseball in his throat when he thought about the look on his brother face when he verbally attacked him.

He once again felt the burning guilt rise up again. He shook his head and looked around the dull hotel room and sighed again. He heard footsteps go by his room, stomping as though they were angry.

He glanced hopefully at the door in the hopes his brother would come back, with a silent plead in his mind. He couldn't hold back the sigh of dissapoint when the door didn't open to reveal his brother and only stayed firmly shut. He couldn't hold back the wince as he remembered the reason for his brothers dissepearance.

_-two hours ago-_

_"I'm telling you sam, you need to stay away from that bitch dude." Dean snarled as he point a finger towards where ruby stood, a large smirk aimed towards the two feuding brothers. Sam snarled towards his brother, anger clearly radiating on his face. "And who the fuck are you telling me what to do?! I'm not a child anymore dean!" Sam growled out. Who was dean to tell him what was right and wrong? Sam was a ADULT now and he can make his own choices now._

_Dean had surprise all over his face at his brothers angry words and voice that where aimed towards him. "Sam she's a demon goddamnit! Do you really think she has you best interests at heart, cause I don't fricking think so! " Dean yelled back as he shifted and grimaced as he brought up a arm to press down on his chest but sam was to angry, to full of rage to care._

_"What the fuck do you know about ruby? She was here and covering my back better then you ever did." Sam snarled and felt a sick sense of satisfaction as dean gave a full on flinch and sam kept going, not knowing how or where the harsh words where coming from. At the moment though he didn't care. _

_All he cared about at the moment was defending the person that has helped him when dean was in hell and helped him learn to control his powers. Ruby was there when dean wasn't. __It's not deans fault he was in hell though. __A voice said in his head said and sam shoved it far far away, deep in his mind and continued on dean._

_"You're so afraid of being alone, that you don't give a shit if I live my life or not! This may be a news flash you selfish bastard but I'm not a good little solider like you are! I don't have to follow every goddamn order you give! I'm helping people! Me and ruby? We've saved more people in a month then me and you saved in a year." Sam yelled not caring to notice deans hand had tighten, putting more pressure on his chest. He also didn't notice the red liquid seeping through deans fingers or the dark patch growing on deans jacket._

_Deans eyes had widen and his jaw dropped at the beginning of sam's rant but towards the end his eyes narrowed and his jaw tightened. _

_"Selfish?! Oh yea I'm completely selfish! I-" dean began to rant only to hear sam growl out "go to hell dean!". Deans face turned an almost impossible shade of white and a look of pure horror, hurt, sadness and betrayal flashed for a half second on his face before his face went blank. Sam saw the look though and his anger, though still burning, simmered down enough to register what he has just said to his brother. "Dean..." Sam said as dean walked out the room, crimson drops marking his path. Sam winced as the door slammed shut and ruby let out a chilling laugh._

Sam winced as the memory flooded his mind at how harsh he had been to his brother. His brother, who went to hell for him. He gave a bitter laugh at himself. And he had called dean selfish. His head whipped up as the door opened and his eyes widened when his brother walked in. He quickly stood up,mouth open to apologize when he saw castiel behind him, his hand firmly on deans jacket. Further looking at his brother made sam realize that dean was barely

He just opened his mouth to ask what was going on when he saw the blood blanketing his brothers clothes. He quickly ran over to his brother, only to be pushed aside by castiel as cas carried dean to his bed. Sam opened his mouth to protest as castiel pushed him and didn't let him help his brother, but closed his mouth when he saw the pissed off look on the angels face. Sam gave a wince when castiel turned away, hand raised and wondered if he was going to get in a fight with an angel, when castiel waved his hand and a chair appeared behind sam.

Castiel motion to the chair and said "sit." in his deep voice. Sam sat down, deciding to listen so he could find out what that angel wanted and finally get to his brother. He felt a wave of guilt pass him as he had this thought and knew dean wouldn't be covered in blood if it wasn't for sam. Castiel waved his hands over dean and the blood disappeared and deans wounds healed instantly. Castiel waved his hands again and deans clothes changed to a soft gray t-shirt and black sweatpants along with a pair of short, soft socks that now covered his feet. Castiel's face soften slightly as he pulled the covers up to deans chin, much like you would do to tuck a small child into bed. Sam watched and saw how child-like dean looked when he was sleeping, and felt something stir in his chest. He felt that protective urge he had for his brother rise again and got up to go see him.

Just as sam took his first few steps towards his brother, castiel raise his head and turned to look at him. "We need to talk sam winchester, right now". Sam looked at his brother, wanting to stay and apologize when dean woke, then looked at the determined look on the angels face made him realize he wasn't going to be able to get out of this. With one last glance at his brother, he followed the angel out the room.

"What's up cas?" Sam said as they stopped, about seven feet away from their room and cas turned around to face him, anger radiating off him. Sam could clearly see the angel was majorly pissed off and just as he was going to ask again what was wrong, castiel exploded.

"What have you done?! What gave you the right to say those things to dean? How. Dare. You. Tell. Him. To. Go. To. Hell." Castiel spat, his worry for dean making him angry and losing the calm facade he had. "You have no idea what happened to dean on hell. It's was so horrible down there your father almost broke. Do you know how hard dean had to fight to stay sane? To not just break down and die? Do you what he did every single day he was down there? For the first 30 years he prayed for YOU to be safe! He prayed and everytime he asked me to watch over you! His exact words where: _please god don't let anything happen to Sammy, please watch over him. _And you know what he prayed for the next 10 years? For forgiveness about the people he had to kill to save others and for the crimes he had to do to keep you, your father and himself fed!" Castiel roared, his hands balled up into fists.

Sam stood there, mouth open in shock and guilt and even a little anger as he listen to the angels words. He opened his mouth to say something multiple times yet always got cut off by the angel. Years of fights and arguments made him react the way he did without him even thinking about it. "Well maybe dean shouldn't have been acting like a dick over the fact ruby was helping me with my powers! No of this would be happening right now if he had just left me alone in Stanford! I would have been married to Jess and living a normal life where I wouldn't 'hurt anyone' as everyone seems to think my powers will hurt people! But no he had to come and drag me off on some stupid fucking hunt and ended up killing Jess! All cause he was afraid to go find dad alone!" Sam ranted then, face going pale, shut his mouth as he realized what he had said.

Castiel looked at sam with a look full of dissapointment and fury. "I am really getting tired of you winchesters hurting dean." Castiel said much to sams confusion. What did cas mean by that? "You have no idea how much he regrets taking you out of Stanford, how much self-hate he felt when he found out that Jess died and he took you away from her." He hissed and sam recoiled back as castiel roughly put two fingers on sam forehead. "Your fixing to find out and see just what goes through your brothers mind sam winchester."

Sam felt more then saw a bright flash of light go into him. He made a noise of surprise and quickly closed his eyes. After a couple minutes, sam opened his eyes to see castiel had disappeared and he was alone outside the parking lot. He turned and walked back towards the hotel room and made sure to lock the door behind him. "Not like that could keep out the supernatural" sam said chuckling. He looked around the room, his eyes halting on his sleeping brothers form. He crept towards him, quietly to make sure he didn't wake him up. He was fighting a smile as he gazed at his brothers peaceful face. Sam couldn't hold back the guilt as it rose up in his chest again. "I'm sorry dean, so sorry" sam mumbled as he gave into the urge to run his fingers through his bothers hair. Sam took a look at the clock on the dark wood table beside their beds and was surprised to see it was almost 1 in the morning. Sam sighed and slowly got up, his bones creaking in protest and slowly went to the bathroom, brushed his teeth, and got ready to sleep. He took another look at his sleeping brothers form and promised to apologize first thing in the morning.

* * *

Turns out sam wasn't gonna get that chance. Not even ten minutes after it turned 6 a.m was he shaken awake. "Wha-?" Sam mumbled and jumped after he opened his eyes slowly to see ruby standing over him, a cruel smile set clearly on her face. "Come on Sammy time to go" she said, her voice clear and crisp, as if she couldn't wait to get outta the hotel room. "Which judging by the look on her face is the case" sam mumbled still half asleep despite the jumpscare that had awoken him. "What did you say?" Ruby snapped and sam once again jumped. He tossed the cover off him and got up, pushing passed ruby, who look surprised and affronted, and went to check outside the window. He rubbed his eyes and finally finshed waking up when he remembered who exactly was in his hotel room.

"What the fuck ruby?!" Sam whispered in anger, making sure not to wake his brother who was now frowning in his sleep, looking like all means he could wake up at any moment. "You know why I'm here sam, we still have lessons to learn." Ruby said, not even bothering to lower her voice. "About that ruby..." Sam said, knowing he definitely wasn't going anywhere till he apologized to his brother and found out what happened. Another this was a phrase castiel had said when yelling at sam. Sam mouthed out the confused words again in silence, wondering what they meant: "I'm really getting tired of you winchesters hurting dean".

What exactly did castiel mean by that? Why would he even say that? Sam was brought out of his questioning when ruby snarled at him. "What?! What's the issue sam?". Sam looked at her and feeling nervous for some reason, suddenly remembered when he was young and his father had the same look on his face when he was yelling at sam. Ruby glared at him and bit out through clenched teeth "you. Are. Coming. With. Me. How else do you expect to deal with Lilith?"

"With the knife you so kindly give us bitch" dean spat suddenly, scaring the crap out of sam. He looked towards dean and realized dean had be awake for the whole thing. "Ya like that like needle is gonna effect Lilith" ruby said with a laugh. Dean snarled at her and was suddenly up and right in her face, snarling as well. "How about this ya dirty bitch? Stay the fuck away from me and my brother huh?" Dean growled, anger clearly written on his face. Ruby looked at sam with a look that clearly said 'get-over-here-now-and-deal-with-your-brother'. Sam just said "get the fuck out ruby.". Sam flinched in shock when suddenly ruby was there in front of him, hand raise as though to hit him. Sam closed his eyes, waiting for the inevitable pain, only to hear the sound of flesh hitting flesh, as though someone hit someone right in front of him. Sam opened his eyes and gasped. There, somehow in front of him, stood dean. Dean's face was to the side, a bright red hand print clearly on his face, which would more likely then not leave a bruise. Dean just stood there though and slowly turned his head back to ruby, a smirk clearly written on his face. "That all ya got you bitch?" Dean taunted as ruby raised a fist this time. Dean stood still as a board, never moving from in front of sam. Rubys raised fist was enough to shake sam out of his shock. He darted forward, a look of pure anger and fury decorating his features, and grabbed her fist and growled out "Dont. You. Dare!". Ruby, finally realizing sam was thoroughly pissed off, blinked or disappeared out of there room. Sam really didn't care how she did it at the moment and turned to look at dean. A sudden burst of bright light clouded his vision, and he felt blackness creepy up on him as castiels words echoed through his mind.

_"Your fixing to find out and see just what goes through your brothers mind sam winchester."_

* * *

**A/N: good? Bad? Horrible? Should I continue? Review and tell me! Also don't forget to give me ideas if you want me to write them :) see ya next chapter!**

**-deanwinchestersgirl**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I got bored so I started the 2nd chapter now. Enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter 2- first two flashbacks

_Sam blinked, seeing the ground right in front of him. He slowly felt around and found out that he was indeed laying on the ground. He stood up slowly and, after inventory, decided he was fine. _Where am I? Why am I here anyway? How am I here? _He thought. He looked around the room trying to find out where he was. The dusty floors of the room, an inch deep in dust, made him sneeze suddenly and he wiped his nose and continued to explore his surroundings. He glanced around the room taking in the damp dark, walls and the dirty widows, curtains, and rugs. _It looks like no one has lived here for ages _sam thought. He walked around the room, glancing randomly at pictures of a blond family, a young boy no older then 5, a young girl no older then 7 and their parents, and vases and other possessions as such, scattered around the house._

_San winced suddenly at a loud banging that echoed through out the house. He heard running through the house and saw two small children running through the house. "Haha can't catch me dean" the youngest boy called out at the same time the oldest said "Sammy come back here! Dad said to stay put and not mess with things". _No way...is that me and dean...when we where younger? How? _Sam thought in astonishment. Younger sam and younger dean ran right through him and he gasped. His hands shaking, he looked down and sure enough, he was see through. _"Am I a ghost?!" _Sam panicked, but no one Sam made a face at dean and continued to run, straight in someone's legs. Dean ran fast towards his brother and helped him up. _

_Older sam frowned as he noticed the scared and nervous looks on him and his brothers younger faces. He looked towards the man towering over their younger selves and let a noise of surprise when he saw who it was. _"Dad?!" _Older sam said, surprised, at the same time younger sam squeaked out "daddy?!"._

_Older sam heard a shifting noise and looked back to see the younger version of his brother tensing up. Sam looked and followed his brothers gaze to see the angry expression on his fathers face. John was clenching his old, worn leather journal in his right hand. His left hand was clenched in a fist around his bloodied jacket and sam knew he just got back from a hunt not long ago. Sam, glancing at his father, suddenly had a nervous feeling forming. He heard a clinking sound as his dad walked towards the younger version of his brother and him. He glanced at his fathers left hand, where the noise was coming from and saw a bottle of everclear* in his left hand, wrapped around his hand with his jacket._

_Sam watched his father stalk closer to the younger version of themselves and stop a couple, like 2 feet, in front of them and flipped opened his journal and sam saw a page was completely covered in crayon, the drawings obviously done by a small child. Sam looked closer and felt his eyes widen as he saw the signature on the bottom. The younger sam glanced guiltily at the bottom right corner of the page where the name _Sammy _was written in black crayon. The older man snarled and shoved it in the two younger boys faces and growled out "and what the hell is this?!"._

_The younger version of himself and dean flinched and so did sam as he took in his fathers angry appearance once again. He looked closer and saw the stagger in his step and the look in his eyes and how bloodshot there were, and the way his hands shook as he held the book in front of his sons and knew his father was hard core, completely, all the way drunk. _Though it could also be from anger _sam thought absentmindedly as he watched the scene in front of him._

_John glared at the children and asked again, "well? What the hell is this?!" and younger sam looked down at the ground. Older sam watched as every moment there dad made, younger dean moved closer to sam. Dean slowly inched his way in front of his brother and kept a weary eye on their father._

_They all just stood there, john glaring, dean standing protectively in front of his younger brother, and sam clenching deans shirt in fear, when a voice suddenly spoke out of nowhere. "I'm sorry daddy" the younger version of himself said, as his fathers eyes burned with rage. He slowly made his way towards the brothers, crossing the few feet that separated them and crouched down in front of dean, who stood in the way, blocking his father from seeing his younger brother. Sam watched and felt himself moving closer, his dean instincts blaring as they always do when something happens to dean. He felt like something very bad was happening here but couldn't place it. The feeling intensified as he heard his fathers voice speak softly to dean. "Dean move outta the way now" his father softly said to dean, who was now shaking his head._

_**Daddy's drunk again...I don't like it when's he drunk. **__Sam suddenly jumped as deans voice filled the air. He look at the younger version of his brother and saw deans lips never moved. _Am I hearing...his thoughts? _Sam guessed, and the wrongness settled in on him. He felt like he was trespassing on something he wasn't supposed to. He shoved that feeling aside when he heard deans 'voice' again. __**He always tries to hurt me or Sammy...I wish uncle bobby were here, he took care of daddy last time. **__Dean thought and their dad snarled at dean and bit out "move now son!"._

_Dean once again shook his head and said in a soft, steady voice "daddy, you're drunk again, you need to lie down.". Sam couldn't help but stare at his brother, who he thought never disobeyed their father. Sam knew he was surprised over something very, very little but he never saw, could remember a time when dean didn't listen to their dad, especially as a child._

_"You got one second to move or so help me..." John trailed off and sam looked at the far away look in their fathers eyes and knew he wasn't fully present at the moment, his mind some where else. John let out a growl before standing up, towering over his sons again. His hand flashed out and grabbed deans arm in a right grip, causing both dean and older sam to gasp. John pulled against deans arm, pushed him aside into a wall, snarling as he did so. Sam winced as heard the crack and knew deans arm was broken. He ran over to his brother though he knew there was nothing he could do, and was brought back to the scene by stomping as john made his way over to the younger version of himself. Younger sam who had been, much like older sam, making his way over to his fallen brother, squeaking in terror and surprise when his father grabbed his arm and towered above him, fist raised. _

_Sam gasped as dean flashed up and dashed over to their father and himself as his fathers fist went downward in a arc towards his younger self. Sam felt his eyes widen as the unmistakeable sound of flesh hitting flesh hit his ears, echoing loudly. He gasped as, once again, his brothers tiny body flew through the air. Sam, even though he knew he couldn't touch anyone or be heard growled at their father and ran over to where his brothers tiny form layed. John staggered over to dean, completely forgetting his other son who was crying out on the floors for his brother._

_John stopped in front of dean and seemed to sway as he stood there, just staring at dean. Dean flinched as john passed out in front of him. He slowly got up and limped towards the couch and grabbed a blanket. He slowly went towards his father and set the blanket on him, basically tucking him in. Dean went towards younger sam and picked him up, comforting him as they walked away from their father into another room. Sam blinked as his vision blurred and the black rose upon his vision once more._

* * *

_Sam bit out a curse as he woke up on the ground once again, and dusted himself off. He blinked and cleared his vision, gasping as he recognized the room. _The room me and dean fought in _sam recalled, _the one after him and bobby locked me up awhile ago _sam winced and watched as he through dean off of ruby, pleading with him to talk._

_"Sure sam we can talk all you want as soon as this bitch is dead!" Dean snarled and sam watched as he told ruby to run, and dean argued. The memory wavered and sam saw his vision blur and wondered what was going on. _Whats going on with this memory _sam wondered and jumped at least a feet when he suddenly heard castiels voice echoing through the room. __**"Dean is trying to block this memory, trying to forget it. You won't be able to see it as clearly as the other memory. You'll still hear his thoughts clearly though." **__Castiel's voice echoing in his ears and sam called out _"why?! Why am I even seeing these?!"_._

_**"Because sam, your brothers is ready to give up. He's loosing faith and quick. Dean is ready to end his life, and you, sam winchester, are pushing him closer to that edge." **__Castiels voice rang again, causing ice to flood his veins. Sam was jerked back into the memory as he watched himself throw dean into the glass and suddenly dean voice rang in his ears._

_**Sammy...please I don't want to fight you! **__Deans 'voice' rang loudy in his ears, his hand jumping to his ears to cover them as he tried to block out how loud dean was thinking it. Sam watched as he memory distorted once again and he couldn't see anything. He winced as deans 'voice' rang out once more. __**Sammy...**_ _This thought was obviously in agony, he watched as dean fought off tears as sam punched him again and again, and then through the decorative glass panel. Sam gasped in horror as he watched himself choke his brother and his brothers futile attemps to break free from his choke-hold. He watched as his own face contorted in anger and he tightened his hold on his brothers throat. Sam heard hinself say "you don't know me, you never did...and you never will". He watched his brother lean up slightly as the other him walked towards the door and sam blinked at the thought that ran through deans mind. __**Sam please...it's me or ruby...**__sam was confused until dean spoke once again._

_Sam held back a gasp or realization as he heard dean. _He was testing me...to see if I would choose him or ruby...I just thought he was being a dick..._he thought as he listen to dean gasp out "you...walk out that door...don't you ever...come back..."._

_He watched in self-disgust as the other him sneered at his almost crying, gasping brother and walked out, slamming the door and leaving his brother in pain on the floor. He almost cried as he watched his brother go and curl up inside himself on his side and cried. Sam felt his heart shatter and wondered what was he thinking, hurting his brother like that. His heart broke again as he watched his brother gently slap the floor, crying still and in pain and he watched his brother then lean back flat on his back on the floor in defeat, gasping for breath and crying as the memory faded into black and sam lost consciousness once more._

* * *

**A/N: god this chapter...ehhh...so like? No like? READ AND REVIEW! Plz...I'm nervous about this chapter!**

**A/N 2: **_**everclear***_

Available in potency up to 95% alcohol by volume (190 proof), this stuff is banned from sale in 13 states in the U.S. However, in those states you can buy the weaker, 151 proof variety. Short of home-distilled sour-mash moonshine, you don't legally get much stronger than Everclear. The best part? Everclear is flavorless, like good vodka is supposed to be. It is odorless as well, so it can basically be added to any drink or cocktail to give it one hell of a kick in the ass.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: hey next chapter! :)**

* * *

Chapter three- worried little brother

Sam gasped, jerking up from his sleep and looked around in confusion. He felt under him and after looking around a bit, saw he was in his bed in their motel room. He whipped around as he heard angry, labored huffing from the kitchenette of the hotel. He turned around, following the noise and saw bloody hand marks and blood smears around the room, wondering **what had happened!? **What was making the noise? He heard muffled voices talking and slowly got up, listening silently as he made out the voices. _Dean and...cas? _Sam thought in confusion. He peeked around the door frame and saw castiel and dean standing in front of each other, deep in conversation.

"Cas I'm **fine**." Dean said, stressing the word fine as he stood in front of castiel and rolling his eyes as castiel opened his mouth to argue. Dean raised his hand, stopping castiel from saying whatever he was going to say. Sam chuckled silently at the indignant look on castiels face as dean cut him off. Yet castiel was not to be stopped as he still spoke despite deans protests.

"Dean, you are not fine. What do you think your doing?" Castiel asked, his stormy blue eyes searching deans hazel-green eyes for answers. Dean scoffed and turned walking towards the wall to lean on it and glanced back at Castiel. Sam, after hearing Castiel's comment, took a better look at his brother.

He gasped silently at all the blood blanketing his brothers form. He saw a flash of purple peek out from under his brothers shirt when he pushed up from the wall and walked back towards Castiel. Sam then noticed the limp in his brothers step and the way he held his arm again this ribs. As Dean stopped in front of Castiel and sighed, he said "I think I was saving a little girl from being hit by a car".

Sam wondered why Castiel was upset by that and how Dean got bloodied from pushing a girl out the way when Castiel snapped "and after you pushed her out the way? You went and got hit by the same car!"

Sam, not being able to stay hidden anymore, jumped out and said "you got hit by a car Dean?!".

Castiel and Dean jumped, Sam having to look closely at Castiel to see him jump. He heard a sudden _thump_ and saw Dean collapse sideways on the wall, panting like he ran a marathon, as he grabbed hold of his chest, pain clear in his eyes. Sam moved, getting to his brothers side in less then four seconds. Sam went to help his brother up, making a face of concern and worry at the warmness and wetness on his brothers clothes, only to give a sigh as dean smacked his hands away.

"Dean your bleeding! Let me help!" Sam said, reaching for his brother again only to have his hand slapped away as his brother mumbled, "m'fine dude" as Dean slowly made his way off the wall, grunting with the effort. Dean staggered slightly towards the bed, and Sam followed, not even a full ten inches away, staying close in case his brother need his help.

Dean sighed and gave Sam a glare, to which Sam glared right back and stated,"your _not _fine Dean." As he stubbornly reached for his brother again.

Dean swatted his hands again, and they slowly made their way to Deans bed, with Sam reaching for Dean every five minutes and Dean swatting his hands away every time. They eventually made it to Deans bed, where Dean the proceeded to collapse, the walk from the kitchenette to his bed wearing him out.

_He didn't even bother to take off his jacket or shoes _sam thought in fond exasperation as he watched his brother slowly allow sleep to take over his exhausted and battered body. After waiting a full 15 minutes, Sam made sure Dean was asleep, cause he sure as hell didn't wanna get punched like that last time he did this and scared the crap outta Dean who had been still halfway awake during the time, and slowly eased his brother out of his boots and jacket. He set Deans boots down by the door and laid his brothers jacket over a chair by the kitchenette then motioned for Castiel to come over.

Sam led the way over to the couch that was in there room and sat down, once again motioning for Castiel to sit down beside him. Sam raised and eyebrow and asked "what the hell did you do to me? Was I really seeing Deans memories?".

Castiel nodded and said "yes you were seeing deans memories and hearing his thoughts also".

Sam felt a little sick to his stomach, knowing that what he saw and heard wasn't a dream, that it was real. He opened his mouth when he heard a noise, barely audible but he still could make it out. _.__**...sam...**_

Sam tilted his head to the side, thinking he heard his name. He then shook his head, and turned back to Castiel. "Why did you-" he started only to stop as he heard the voice again, this time it was begging.

**...**_**stop...Stop...STOP! **_Sam gasped as the voice shouted, and he realized Castiel was talking to him. "Sam! Sam all you alright?" He asked, eyebrows raised in concern. "Can't you hear it?" Sam gasped out. Castiel listened closely, and suddenly flew out of his chair and into the room where dean was.

Sam quickly got up and ran into the room to see Dean was thrashing in his bed, sheet wrapped right around in like a rope. Sam saw Castiel shake Deans shoulders, attempting to wake him up, when Dean shot up. His eyes were glazed and Sam saw he was still half-asleep. Deans hand reached under his pillow, and quickly jumped up, his hunting knife held at Castiels throat.

Sam jumped in at this point, and pulled Dean's arm back. Dean, eyes wild and crazed, snarled at Sam. He could tell his brother was not aware of where he was, and he called out, trying to make his brother aware.

"Dean, wake up bro!" He called, grabbing his brothers other arm as Dean swung full force at Sam. Sam was now holding both his brothers arms tightly as Dean kicked an yelled "STOP IT! STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT PLEASE!".

Sam took a deep breath and quickly pulled his brother in for a tight hug, Deans yelling and fighting back stopped as he was held tightly in Sams hold. Sam felt his heart clench as he brother flinched, almost as if unused to the contact his brother was giving him, and Sam felt Dean slowly bring his hand up and clench his brothers shirt tightly, as if asking for comfort. A glance at Deans face told Sam his brother was more asleep then awake, he slowly, his brother held in his arms, slid so they were broth sitting on the ground. Sam slowly rocked his brother, who was most of the way asleep by this point, muttering words of comfort.

Sam say there rocking his brother slowly, when his vision flashed, black crowding his vision.

_He gasped as he saw a younger version if his brother, then quickly looked down for the older version, only to see Dean was gone. "Sam?" A voice asked, scaring the daylight outta Sam, who whipped around to see it was Castiel. They looked around and Sam slowly felt the memories coming back as he took in the duffle bags and date from a newspaper that was sitting on the table in the kitchen._

_"I...I remember this place! Dad took me and Dean hunting here when we were kids! We where all hunting that werewolf together, and Dean got hurt during it too...why are we here now?" Sam wondered as he explained to Castiel who nodded and said "something that sticks out in Deans memory must be here or we would not be seeing this."_

_They looked around and finally found younger Dean being chewed out by John. _

_"What the hell were thinking?! You near got you and your brother killed!" John snarled harshly, not stopping as dean started to shake slightly. It was barely noticeable and you had to __**know**_ _dean to be able to see it. _

_"The...the kids, it was going after them..." Dean said quietly and Sam silently cheered at his brother. John sneered at his oldest son and said "yeah well you not following orders like I said ended up with two of the kids dead!"_

_Sam saw the subtle wince his brother gave and by the way Castiel narrowed his eyes, Sam knew he saw it too. Sam felt, once again, the urge to strangle his father. _Dean was only ten! _His mind cried, _Your not supposed to treat your child like this!

_"I do not like your father very much Sam" he heard Castiel and and Sam snorted. "Join the fucking club." He mumbled watching as his father coldly dismissed dean to his 'room'. _

_With a final glare at john from both Sam and Castiel, they followed the small child version of Dean to the bedroom they shared while staying in that house. Sam watched with a sad sort of fondness as Dean first made sure that 6 year old sam was safe in his bed and quietly made his way to the bathroom. He left the door open a crack and Sam felt his eyes widen at the sound of quiet crying coming from the bathroom._

_Sam and Castiel shared a look and both ran into the bathroom, not noticing they went through the door in their haste to make sure dean was ok. They saw him glaring at his reflection in the mirror, self hate clearly in his eyes. Sam startled at the voice suddenly filling the room as dean spoke._

_"You killed them..." He said harshly to his reflection, his glare intensifying as silent tears ran down his face once more. Sudden images ran through Sam and Castiels mind. _

The happy faces of two young children, no older then the age of 6. The young girl and boy smiling at dean, clearly happy to see him.

_"Stop it..." Dean said, tears rolling down his face and sadness in his voice clearly._

The fearful looks on said children's faces an the werewolf came closer. The way the children painfully remind him of his brother, who was also behind him.

_"Stop it...!" Dean cried out again, making sure his voice wasn't enough to wake his sleeping brother. Dean walked towards the door, closing it and locking it, effectively miffleing any noise so it couldn't be heard in any other room except the one he was in. The tears rolled faster down the ten year old face and Sam and Castiel both reached out, wanting to comfort the distressed child, only for their hands to go through Dean._

The screams, as Dean and Sam were thrown aside, and the werewolf tore into the small children, blood going everywhere as the wolf tore and snapped and chewed. Dean gasping as he covered and shield his brothers eyes, ears and body. A flinch as a shot rang out and pierced the werewolf, the fresh corpses falling on the children's corpses with a sick slopping noise, like meat sliding out of its wrapper on a cutting board.

_"Stop it!" Dean cried as his breathing picked up in pace and his tiny hand clinched into fists._

Deans face, pale and yet stained as he buried the children's corpses after his father shot them as well. The aching pain in his chest as he put the last pile of dirt on their graves and stared at the graves. Two words were ripped from his throat in a whisper.

"Im Sorry"

_Dean sobbed, glaring at his reflection in hatred as he howled " STOP IT! STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT PLEASE!"_

_A smashing noise echoed through the house as Dean smashed his tiny fist through the mirror and pulled back, doing it again and again as he cried out "STOP IT! I'M SORRY! STOP IT!" _

_Sam and Castiel jerked forward, reaching for deans shoulders as he continually smashed his hand into shards of glass, only for their hands to go through him in a cruel reminder that this was only a memory. They watched as dean stopped suddenly, his hands bloody. _

_The memory faded into black as one more horrifying image was shown. Sam gasped as he saw his brother grab a rather large shard of glass and look at it. After looking at it for a while, Dean dragged it harshly down his left wrist over and over as the memory faded into black._

Sam gasped, snapping back into reality as he felt his brother sleeping form lying in his arms. He quickly looked around and saw Castiel looking down sadly at Dean. Sam rocked his brother gently while tightening his grip on his brother, the need to remind himself that his brother was here and **alive **strong in him.

Shuddering at the memory of Dean dragging glass across his wrist, Sam slowly pulled up his brothers sleeve, scared of what he might find. He felt his mouth get set in a grim line as he nodded Castiel over. There were thousands upon thousand of old and new cuts and scars crossing both his brothers wrist. Some were deep while others were shallow. There were long, short and medium sized ones too.

Sam shoved his brothers sleeve down with a air of anger. He pulled himself and his sleeping brother up gently, and pulled dean to him tightly.

"Dean, your not gonna do that again. I'll help you. Sammy'll protect you" he said gently to his brothers sleeping form, like he was talking to a child. He put down his brother in his bed and put the hunting knife down on the table, far far away from Dean, on the other side of the room.

He gently pulled the covers up on his brother once again, watching fondly a his brother snuggled up in his blankets, acting like the child he never got to be.

_Nothing bad is gonna happen to Dean as long as I can stop it _Sam vowed to himself as he looked at Castiel, who nodded in agreement.

_Now Dean has a angel and a worried, protective brother looking after him _sam thought as Castiel stood guard as Sam crawled into his bed, looking at his brother still form as he fell into a deep, restless sleep.

* * *

**A/N: I know, I know it sucked :(...sorry it took so long! ALSO IF ANYONE HAS AN IDEA FOR A ONE SHOT LET ME KNOW! Later dudes!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: hey I'm back :)**

**Also-**

**Mish (guest)- thanks for the review! Since you don't have a profile for me to pm you, I'll tell you here. Yea Dean was kinda out of it cause he was injured and DEFINITELY **_**not **_**in a good condition to be fighting in. Also he was trapped in a nightmare while still half asleep. He got so worked up during the nightmare he subconsciously attacked and wore himself out even more, going basically into a deep, dream-free sleep state by the time Sam got to him. Also he subconsciously felt the warm, solidness of Sam and didn't try to protest, even while in that state, because his subconscious felt he needed the comfort after the nightmare (nightmare will be later on in the story also). Hope that helped clear things up for you a bit :D**

* * *

Chapter four- worried little brother

Sam blinked slowly as he felt awareness prod him. He knew something was different about today, but he wasn't sure what. He blinked lazy as he stared at the ceiling then jolted in a upright position as he thought _Dean!_

He quickly glance over his brothers bed, only to see it empty. "Dean?" Sam called, getting up to search. Sam checked the bathroom, the kitchenette, Deans bed again, the parking lot, **everywhere. **Sam checked every where and still no dean.

"CAS!" Sam yelled out and a moment later Castiel stood in front of him. "Where the hell is Dean?!" Sam bit out. After what he saw yesterday in the flashback, and the fact Dean still cuts himself, Sam didn't want Dean out if his sight more then he had to be. He knew he was most likely over reacting but could anyone blame him? He was determined to make sure nothing else bad happened to his _very fragile _brother, even if said brother didn't know or admit that he was close to breaking, if not already there.

Castiel turned his head to the side and looked at sam. "Is Dean not in the motel room?" Castiel asked and Sam sighed angrily and said "no and you were supposed to be watching him!"

He was close to yelling by the end of his sentence. Castiel was saying "I was attacked by angels trying I get to you and Dean" and Sam opened his mouth, to apologize or something else, even he didn't know. The door opened suddenly, stopping Castiel and Sam's argument mid-way. Dean stepped in, limping and breathing heavily slightly, and he had a proud look on his face as he tossed a bag of doughnuts at sam, who caught it on a reflex.

"Breakfast" Dean announced and before Sam was even aware of what he was doing, he had already crossed the room and gathered Dean, who protested greatly, in a tight hug. He pulled Dean in close, and the fear that had been festering in his belly since he woke up and found Dean gone disappeared.

"D-dude what the hell?!" Deans voice came out mumbled since his face was pressed against Sam's jacket as he struggled to get out of his younger brothers hold. Sam quickly let go of his brother when Dean let out a hiss of pain as his wounds pulled and stretched. Sam grumbled about how Dean was supposed to be resting and _not _running around getting breakfast as he ran to go get the first aid. His brother mumbled in return about how Sam was being a mother hen and always starts chick-flick moments. Sam snorted fondly at his brother and set to work ok bandaging his brother up.

Sam winced every time his brother did and after about twenty minutes of bandaging, wincing, snorting, and cleaning wounds, Sam was finally done. He sat back and the wondered why Castiel didn't just angel power his brother healed. Almost as if Castiel was reading his thoughts, _which was a possibility _sam thought with a shudder, Castiel said, "My grace is disappeared slowly, but still disappearing"

Dean glanced at Sam and Castiel, then shrugged. _Whatever the hell their doing can wait _a voice that sounds ALOT like his brother ran through his ears and he shot a semi-panicked look Castiel, who nodded and confirmed his guess. He was reading his brothers thought.

"Are you serious?! That's going way to far Cas!" Sam cried out. _That's way to personal! _He thought. Dean gave him and Castiel a look then shrugged. Dean itched his left wrist and Sam felt his eyes drawn to his brothers wrist. Sam felt as though he couldn't just have this info and not confront his brother about this.

Sam had just opened his mouth to say something to his brother when dean suddenly asked, "hey we got a new job pop up anywhere?"

Sam looked at his brother incredulously and said, "Dean, man, we _just_ finished a job barely a day ago. Plus you injuries aren't all the way healed."

"I'm _fine _Sasquatch. I'm not even hurt that bad." Dean snapped and Sam pursed his lips. Dean was still limping slightly and he had a couple of broken ribs _and _a gash on his right leg that still bleeds from time to time, and Sam knew this. Sam knew that Dean knew that he knew too.

"Dean..." Sam whined and Dean turned around and started to clean and pack up their room. _Time to pull out the big guns _Sam thought and walked over to his brother. He tapped Deans shoulder and, when his brother turned around, gave his brother "the puppy dog eyes" as his brother so fondly (and irritated sometimes) nicknamed them.

"Dean please!" Sam pleaded and, to give Dean credit, his brother lasted a full minute before cracking.

"Fine, fine! We'll stay, but only _one _extra day." Dean said, pointing a finger at Sam and Sam nodded.

_Thank god, would have been a bitch to drive _Deans thought rang through Sam's ears. Dean limped over and settled his weight on the couch. Sam smiled as he felt more then heard the relief cloud his brothers mind.

He walked over to the bathroom and rummaged through the first-aid kit they kept in there till he triumphantly pulled out a bottle of pain killers. As he walked out of the bathroom and into the main room that held the beds, he shook out three pills into his hand and made his way over to his brother,grabbing a bottle of water on the way. Sam handed his brother the pills once he was over there and handed Dean the water too.

Sam made his way over and say down on his bed, turning his body to face his brother. He kept a watchful eye on his brother as Dean took the pills with water. His brother was notorious about making it look like he took the pills but not really.

Sam nodded in satisfaction when his brother swallowed the pills and kept his eyes trained on his brother. Dean glanced over at him randomly, only to quickly turn away when he saw Sam staring at him.

After a what felt like a _long _while, Sam went to open his mouth to say he knew about the scars and cuts. He had to or he felt he was gonna go crazy. Every motion, every movement of his brothers jacket-clad arms had his eyes drawn to Dean's forearms where Sam knew where the cuts and scars laid.

As soon as Sam opened his mouth however, Deans phone blared into life. They both jumped,and Sam glared at the phone. Dean reached over and grabbed the phone, flicking it open as he brought it to his ear.

"Yeah? Who is this?" Dean said, his voice a bit gruffer then normal. Suddenly,Deans face broke out into a grin as he exclaimed "Tony! Holy shit man, it's been years!"

* * *

**IMPORTANT AUTHORS NOTE!**

**Ok guys imma let you decide what happens next! Okay here are the questions:**

**Jealous Sammy-**

**A. He stays jealous and over protective of Dean (May get a little possessive(no wincest in this one though)**

**B. He gets over his jealous and tries to befriend tony **

**(I'm personal hoping for A though :))**

**What to do about tony(when he meets sam)-**

**A. He acts like a jerk and tries to tell Sam to back off dean (doesn't ask me y, just random idea ^.^)**

** 's tries to be nice to Sam but not like he is to Dean**

**Tonys fate-**

** dies on a hunt**

** just ups and disappears **

** leaves on another hunt**

* * *

Sam felt his face fold in confusion and slight jealously. _Why is Dean grinning like that while he's talking to 'Tony', whoever that is? _Sam thought. Sam knew his brother and Dean had many smiles and Sam had named all of them one day when he was bored.

Dean had a sarcastic smile, a smile when he's angry, a smile when he's _completely_ pissed, a cold and emotionally detached smile, and many others. One smile that stood out in Sam's mind was a smile Sam (and Dean when sam was younger, though his brother would never admit it) had named the _sammy smile _or just a big brothers smile. That was a smile that _only _Sam got. He felt a little ball of _something _burning in his chest.

"Holy shit man! Are you serious?! That's freaking AWSOME!" Dean exclaimed, laughing. Suddenly Deans face fell slightly as he listened and he said, "where are you? We'll head out there to help."

Sam frowned as Dean said, "yeah, ok we'll be there,", and got up, limping slightly as he got a scrap of paper and a pen. Dean started scribbling something down and said "tomorrow ok? Yea later"

Dean glanced over and Sam gave him a glare. "What?"Dean said shrugging.

"What happened to _taking a day off _dean?!" Sam said, getting up and whipped around to look at his brother. Sam watched the confusion then understanding cross his brothers face as he tapped his foot, waiting for a answer. Dean walked, or limped, over to his brother and said "Sammy he's a friend and he's saved my ass at least 5 times already. I owe him."

"Dean you got _hit _by a car! You promised that we'd take a day off, and here we are getting ready to go racing to help some guy I don't even know!" Sam said, voice rising slightly as he spoke to his brother. Dean raised eyebrow and said, "dude it'll only take like twenty minutes total to get there, and about an hour to help Tony. After that we can play Brady bunch for the rest of the day."

"What does that even mean?!" Sam exclaimed. Dean started packing as they talked and Sam could see him wince every time he put to much pressure on his ribs. Sam sighed and got to work packing his stuff and helped Dean pile everything in the impala, making sure to lock the door behind them. Dean grinned as he got in the car and said, "dude we'll help him then come back and chill. Trust me, you'll like Tony."

_We'll see about that Dean _Sam thought as he shoved himself in his seat. The rumble of the impala growled through the parking lot as Dean revved the engine and shot out the parking lot

* * *

**A/N: holy crap this chapter...the ending sucked! Don't forget answer the authors note! Sorry for cutting this chapter short but can't really do anymore till I get a vote! Laters :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: heller! New chappie time! Also thanks to **_**littlenightbirdy **_**for being the very first to answer the questions last chapter! Anyway on with the story!**

* * *

Chapter five- Tony vs Sam part 1

Sam was _not _a happy camper. He was cramped in the impala's seat, his legs sticking out at odd angles as he sat, while he and his brother where driving out to see someone Sam didn't even know. He glared out the window, huffing angrily as his brother sang off-tune to some Metallica song loudly.

"_Where do I take this pain of mine? I run, but it stays by my side..._" Dean sang, or more like screamed, the lyrics out. Sam gave a wince at the words, remembering the startling discovery that was made not even two days ago. _Why did I let him talk me into this again? _Sam whined in his mind.

"_So tear me open, pour me out. There's things inside that scream and shout, and the pain still hates me..." _Dean sang, and Sam felt like his ears where gonna busy cause his brother was now yelling in his ear as he sang. Sam was in between bashing his out _over and over _to get some relief and being happy cause this was the most relaxed and the happiest he's seen his brother in a long time. He felt a grin slid on he face as his brothers eyes shined with joy and excitement, but said grin slid off as fast as it was on as he remembered said reason of trip.

"How do you know this guy anyway? I don't remember meeting him anywhere." Sam said, trying to kept the distaste out of his tone when he mentioned_Tony_. Dean reached over and twisted the dial on the dashboard, efficiently turning down the volume of music till it was just ear piercing and not ear bleeding.

"Met him on a solo hunt down in Colorado. We both rolled into the town hunting the same thing, the werewolf leaving signs everywhere. Dude save my ass more time then I liked on that hunt" Dean said, hands turning the wheel to the right, turning into a quiet little town.

"Was this durning..." Sam trailed off, only for Dean to cut in, "When you went to Stanford? Yea"

Dean's eyes darted to the left and let out a soft noise of triumph. Sam darted his eyes over from the side of the road to his brother who pointed, with one hand still on the wheel, to the tall building that Dean was driving up to and stated, "Starbright motel. This is where we're supposed to meet Tony"

Sam felt his eyes narrow involuntary as his brother mentioned his friend again. Sam watched Deans eyes dart all over the parking lot. Dean pulled the impala in a free space, and got out the car and started waving as his eyes locked on a figure racing towards the impala.

Sam managed to get out the car just in time to see the stranger reach and pull his brother in a hug. He blinked once, then twice as he took in the sight in front of him. Dean was being _hugged_ by a stranger, and was _hugging back_. Sam opened his mouth to find out _what the fuck_ was going on Dean managed to get out from where he was squished from the mans jacket, "Tony you little shit, get off me!"

The man, now know as Tony, let out a laugh as he pulled back, holding Dean by the shoulders. He let out another laugh after looking Dean over and said, "your still the small one, little brother!"

Sam felt more then heard a snap echo in his mind and felt his face twitch and he marched his way over, fighting the urge to punch this guy in the face. Some how, he managed to wedge himself in between his brother and Tony. He stood in front of Dean, blocking his brother almost all the way from the mans view and stuck his hand out.

"Hi, Sam Winchester" he said, trying not to let his voice come out in a growl. Sam looked the guy over and was surprised to see Tony looked _a lot like him_. Sam thought, _why does he look like me?...creepy. _Tony was as tall, if not taller, as Sam. They has the sam hairstyle, but Tonys hair color was black, while Sam's was a lighter brown color.

Tony nodded to him, head head stiff and face blank. Dean, walking towards the hotel, called out, "come on Sammy, we gotta check in"

Sam nodded coldly to Tony and, as he walked towards dean, had to resist the urge to stick his tongue out at Tony. He walked close to his brother, feeling Tonys eyes burning a hole in the back of his head.

Sam, once he made it to Dean, grabbed his bags and followed Dean to get a room. Dean walked up and, as he and the hotel clerk's eye met, he blanched. The clerk raised his eyebrow I'm confusion for minute before his eyes widened in recognition. Dean ducked his head down slightly, avoiding eye contact with the clerk as he ask, "got a room free?"

The clerk nodded and said,"yea take room 32A."

Dean nodded stiffly and took the key and grabbed his bags, calling out,"come on Sammy let's go" as he walked towards the stairs. The clerk looked at him strangely and called out, in a soft, pitying yet detached voice "and Sir, please avoid attempting Russian roulette this time please." **(A/N:I...I suck at writing! It's officially true with this one sentence, right here!)**

Sam paled and let out a strangled noise, glancing at his now pale brother, who nodded jerkily once and said roughly, "come on Sammy!"

Sam followed Dean, his head spinning form the news he just heard. He glanced over at Dean and thought _what the hell?! First I found out he is self-harming then I found out he fucking played goddamn Russian roulette?! That's it, I gotta talk to him, __**now.**_

Sam set his face in determination and followed his brother up the rest of the stairs and down a long hallway stopping a room _32A_. They set there stuff down on their respective beds, Dean letting out a groan as he collapsed on the bed, his hand trying to sneakily hold his chest without sam, noticing.

He _did _notice, and threw the bottle of pain pills, after digging through the med-kit, to his brother and watched as Dean nodded in thanks and swallowed three pills. Sam's mind went back to what the clerk said, and as he opened his mouth to confront his brother, their motel door busted open and Tony busted in, causing Sam to grit his teeth in frustration.

"Alright we're going to go after vamps tomorrow cause they'll be expecting us to come tonight ok? Ok." Tony said, not leaving room for argument. Sam was pissed for real, as of _right fucking now_. He glare at his brother, who, to his surprise, also was looking pissed.

"What the hell Tony! You said that we where ganking fucking shapeshifters!" Dean said, glaring at Tony, who shrank under Deans gaze.

"I...had to make sure you came! I didn't want you to leave cause it was vamps!" Tony protested and Dean raised a eyebrow.

"When have I ever backed outta a hunt, jackass?" Dean said, and he turned to Sam and said, "dude I'm gonna go get the gear, talk to Tony to see where the nest is and how many vamps, ok?"

After stating that, he left Sam with Tony, both glaring at each other. As soon as the door was shut, Tony stalked up to Sam until they had less then 2 inches in between them and poked Sam's chest with a glare as he said, "look fucker, I don't know what or why your back in the game, but listen to me. You hurt Dean in anyway, any at all, and I'll personally make sure they can't find you body, got it?"

His finger poking Sam's chest with every word, he gave one last glare and hissed, "don't mess with my little brother, **ever**."

At this statement Sam felt his anger blow and grabbed Tonys wrist as said person was pulling his hand back. He glared at Tony and hissed, "stay away from **my brother** got it?"

He pushed Tony away from him, a grin on his face as Tony stumbled slightly. Just as Tony opened his mouth to snap back, the door busted open, bouncing harshly against the wall behind it. Sam's hunting instincts reacted and he quickly turned, loading and cocking his gun, aimed to shoot whatever entered the door way.

"Whoa, chill it's me dude!" Dean called out as he walked through the door, carrying extra ammo and other supplies (such as their machetes and sharpens for the machetes). Sam went over and grabbed half the items from Dean, carrying them and dumping them on a chair in the far corner of the room. Sam glanced around and noticed with a grin that Tony had left sometime during Dean coming back in the room.

After helping Dean with the rest of the stuff, Sam flopped on the couch, watching as Dean got on the bed to flip through the channels, remote in hand. Sam blinked slowly as he thought back, remembering what the clerk said:

_The clerk looked at him strangely and called out, in a soft, pitying yet detached voice "and Sir, please avoid attempting Russian roulette this time please." _

Sam glanced over at his brother, trying to decide the best way to approach the subject. He must have had a thoughtful look on his face cause his brother called out from the bed, "out with it Sammy, what's eatin ya?"

Sam jumped, Deans voice unexpected. He glanced over at his brother and decided to approach it slowly.

"So," Sam said, eyes darting to look at the wall before going back to his brother, "what made you..."

"Sam..." Dean said, face turning stony, "drop it"

"What are you talking about Dean?" Sam said innocently, keeping his betraying eyes away from his brothers stony gaze. Dean snorted, and said "I know what your going to say, and just. Drop. It"

_Oh well..._Sam thought and decided since his brother knew, to go ahead and attack head on.

"_**You fucking attempted SUICIDE?! **_"He roared and felt his anger and fear rise to the surface. Anger, that his brother would attempt such a thing and try to...kill himself, and fear, as he slowly found more and more of his brothers suicidal tendencies rise to the surface.

_He's attempted it multiple times, what to stop him from attempting it again? _A voice hissed in his mind and he quickly shot it down, focusing on his brother, who was now getting off the bed and slipping his boots off, face blank and emotionless. Sam asked, " where are you going? We're talking about this."

"I'm going to get some lunch and no, we're not." Dean said shortly, slamming the door as he exited. Sam winced slightly at the slam and let out a frustrated growl. _Why must he be so fucking stubborn and...and..._Sam trailed off slouching all the way down on the couch so he was staring at the ceiling. He was worried about his brother. Sam yawned, eyes closing shortly only to snap back open. He had been awake half the night, worrying about his brother and what he was gonna do. He yawned again, and his eyes slowly closed, only to snap open again. He slowly closed his eyes, this time meaning to only rest them, and fell asleep, his snores echoing through the motel room.

_Sam blinked, looking around in confusion. "_Where am I?_" He asked himself and noticed the room looked familiar. He winced, hearing a slam of a door smashing against the wall and blinked, a memory filtering through._

_**He pushed Tony away from him, a grin on his face as Tony stumbled slightly. Just as Tony opened his mouth to snap back, the door busted open, bouncing harshly against the wall behind it. Sam's hunting instincts reacted and he quickly turned, loading and cocking his gun, aimed to shoot whatever entered the door way.**_

_**"Whoa, chill it's me dude!" Dean called out...**_

_Sure enough, Sam watched as Dean bursts into the room, chest heaving as he angrily stomped over to his bed. Sam noticed, with a pang in his heart, that Dean still got a room with two beds. Dean threw his shotgun down on the bed, it hitting the wall with a __**thump**_ _and sat his weight on the bed, chest still heaving as he glared at the wall._

_Dean sat there, chest heaving and breaths coming out in sharp gasps, until he jumped up, pacing around the room. He stopped near a wall, the furtherest from the door and glared. Suddenly, Dean let out a snarl._

_"__**Son of a mother fucking bitch!**__" He howled and Sam jumped, viable flinching as his brothers silent pacing was put to a end. His brother struck out, lashing at the wall. His fists hit the wall angrily again and again, coming back bloodier and bloodier each time, leaving smears of red covering his walls. He struck again, striking hard enough so it splashed on his face, his face being dotted with the red liquid._

_He let out another howl, pulling his hands back on to clench them in a fist, blood dripping from his knuckles to the floor. _

_Dean stopped howling suddenly, going back over to the bed and collapsing on it, letting out a quiet whisper, "I'm sorry"_

_He glanced over to the empty bed, the one Sam would occupy if said person was present at the time and let out a sigh, said just as quietly as before, "Sammy...I hope your doing ok right now." _

_Dean glanced away from the bed, turning his head harshly to the side, as his motel door creaked open. Tony peeked his head into the door, eyes darting to the blood smeared on the wall, to where Dean now sat up on the bed, bleeding hands supporting him. Dean let out a cough and ask, his voice gruff, "what'da want?"_

_Sam, who had been feeling sick since his brother came smashing through the door, let out a hiss, seeing the guy he was really starting to hate, showing up and seeing his brother in this state and not leaving him alone. _Then again, _Sam thought, glancing at Dean again, _no one knows Dean like I do.

_"You ok man? You seemed pretty..." Tony said, stepping into the room, hand gesturing uselessly in the air as he searched for the correct word to say. Dean closed his face off, no expression showing as he said, "nothin the talk about, now get the fuck out my room."_

_Tony glared, steeping closer to Dean and pointed to his brothers side and said, "listen asshole I saw you get stabbed there, now you gonna let me patch your whiny little ass up or what?"_

_Dean glared at him and Sam cocked his head to the side and let out a gasp as he saw his brother entire left side dyed a dark red, and the patch of red growing more and more as they spoke. Dean snorted and said, "listen I'm fine asshat, now gette fuck out of my room."_

_"Still being a stubborn ass?" Tony said, hands on his hips as he glared at Dean. Sam noticed that the way his brother and Tony acted where scarily similar and shook his head, focusing on the memory again._

_"Congratulations you noticed I'm a stubborn ass, would you like a stuffed bear?" Dean asked sarcastically. _**(A/N: bonus point for anyone who can tell me which episode I got that off of :D)**

_Tony huffed and walked over to Dean, going through his duffel, causing said brother to let out a noise of protest, earning Dean a "shaddup" sent his way. Tony let out a noise of triumph, pulling out a large med-kit. Tony, however froze, hearing the __**click click **__of a handgun being cocked and the safely being turned off. Sam watched in horror as Dean held the gun loosely in his hand, croaking out, "we killed them all you know? We killed a bunch of kids" _

_Tony, without turning around, said "Dean, they weren't kids anymore, you know that. Once you get bit, your stuck as a vamp." _

_"I don't care! We...we could have done something...anything! Their May have been a cure or something!" Dean snarled, and Sam winced at the pained look on his brothers face. _He always did have a soft spot for kids _Sam thought sadly, watching his brother._

_Sam felt unease pull at his gut as his brother loosely played with the gun in his hand, fingers gliding in the sir above the trigger. Tony glanced at Dean and spoke quietly, catching sam off guard. _

_"I'm gonna go get my stuff out the cat an head to my room. I'll see you in the morning ok?". He watched as his brother nodded stiffly and walked back over to his bed, setting his weight down heavily ok the bed. Tony have Dean a final glance, and walked out, Deans eyes tracking him the entire time._

_Once Tony was out of sight, Dean locked hi gaze on his duffel, and Sam blinked in suprise, hearing his brothers thoughts again._

_**Murder...**_

_**Killer...**_

_**You killed them, hurt them...**_

_**Took them away from their family's...**_

_**Murder...cold blood killings...YOU COULD HAVE SAVED THEM!**_

_Dean let out a small noise and blindly grabbed for his duffle, pulling out a pack of silver bullets, each one glinting in the light of the room from where they sat. Dean took one, glancing at it before placing it in the guns chamber, and pulled back the hammer, setting the gun on the soft flesh of his temple._

_Sam felt something burning rise in his eyes and he jerked forward, his hands grasping for Deans, only to go through his brother. Sam let out a slight sob as Dean glanced over to the bed opposite of him, an let out a quiet "bye Sammy" as he closed his eyes gently._

_Sam watched in horror as a __**bang **_ _sounded through out the room as a door opened and a shout was heard. _

_"Dean!"_

* * *

**A/N: my attempt at a cliffhanger...god damn, my chapters are getting worse and worse...sorry guys! Also sorry for getting this up so late but school has me SWAMPED with work :( next chappie will be up soon! Laters!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: every review is like a kick in butt, telling me to get in gear an write the next chapter :D y'all rock!**

Chapter six- staying by his side

Sam jerked up, a scream coming out of his throat choppy and strangled. Barely three seconds later, Dean was there, sitting on his bed beside him, suddenly as if he has just appeared there. Sam jumped alittle, and kept breathing deep, his nerves still jittery as his 'dream' played through his mind over and over.

He blindly reached over, his hand searching. He felt the slightly rough fabric of Dean's jacket touch his palm, and he clenched his hand, his hold on the fabric tighting as he looked at his brother, eyes watering slightly as he glanced at his brother, seeing him _there, breathing, _and _alive_.

That last thought was the last straw and he clenched the fabric tighter and pulled, his brother making a noise of suprise. He pulled harder until Dean suddenly smashed against his chest, once again making a noise of suprise. He tucked his now slightly struggling brothers head under his chin, and pulled his brother closer to him, their position so Dean was fully held side ways and curled against Sam, his head tucked under Sam's chin. Sam was sitting tall and stressed, leaning against the headboard but holding Dean tight to him, his gripping fighting as they sat there, rocking his brother slightly.

Dean struggled, but his yet-to-heal injuries did not help him in his quest to get free. Dean stopped, catching his breath and said, "what the fuck Sam? Let me go!"

Sam glanced down, eyes still watering slightly and watched Deans face soften a bit. Dean asked softly "you had a nightmare didn't you?"

Sam nodded and Dean sifted slightly causing Sam's grip to tighten on his greatly. Sam started alittle when he heard Deans 'voice' in his head. _Wow this is the worst he's been after a nightmare since he was a kid..._Dean thought, and Sam sighed, still not letting his brother go, realizing he was acting likes kid but couldn't bring himself to care at the moment.

After a couple minutes, Sam loosened his grip and Dean pulled away slowly, looking at him, glancing in his eyes. Sam blushed slightly and gave a embarrassed cough and moved to the side, pulling the cover back and getting out of bed.

Sam felt Deans eyes follow him the entire time he was up, watching his every movement as he slowly pulled a new shirt on, then say down in the chair, still clad in sleep pants.

"So you wanna share what that was?" Dean asked, eyebrow raised, and Sam shook his head and said, "just...nightmares"

Dean nodded, eyes searching for somethingin Sam's face, and he must have found _something _cause he nodded again.

Dean walked over and sat down on his bed, groaning as he slid his boots off and flopped backwards on the bed. Dean glanced over to the clock and Sam saw his eyes widen slightly. He glanced over at his brother and Dean explained, "it's later then I thought."

Sam glanced at the clock and was surprised to see it was 1:39 in the afternoon. Dean gave a chuckle as his stomach rumbled it's protest at the time and gave look to Sam, saying "hey you wanna go get some grub?"

"Y-yea sure" Sam said, his voice wavering slightly still, wincing as the _bang _resounded through his head again. He shook his head and got up, pulling his pajama bottoms off and slipping into a cleanish pair of jeans. He walks over to his bed and grabbed his boots, slipping them on and lacing them up. After a final tug on the strings, he got up and grabbed the impala's keys and headed for the door. He stopped when he noticed Dean was still laying on the bed and asked, "you comin man?"

"Nah you go on a head, imma stay and do so asking about, see what the fuck is actually going on here." Dean said from where he layed, and Sam frowned. He didn't want to, _couldn't_, leave his brother, not now. Sam nervously shifted from foot to foot and glanced at his brother then the door. Dean. Door. Dean. Door. Dea-

"Sam what are do here still? I'm starving! I'm sure you are too." Dean mumbled from where he sat on the bed, elevated slightly to look at Sam. He bit his lip nervously and said, "can you stay here till I get back?"

Dean gave him a incredulous look, and Sam winced slightly, knowing what it sounded like, and quickly said, "it's not that I don't think you couldn't investigate or anything, it's just..."

Dean looked at him hard for a minute and sighed as he flopped backwards on the bed, once again sighing loudly as he said, "**fineeeee**"

Sam gave a half relieved sigh and walked out the door, making sure to lock it before leaving. He jumped in the impala and sighed, giving the motel room a long glance before quickly backing up and shifting the car into drive and speeding out the parking lot. He wants to be back as soon as possible.

_**~spn~spn~spn~**_

Sam wants to get back to the motel, _now_. He's been sitting here for the past freaking _forty minutes_. He nervously bit his thumb as his leg bounced, waiting for the orange car in front of him to move forward.

Sam hadn't been nervous at all during the first ten minutes. At twenty his leg started bouncing, at thirty his teeth clenched, at forty he bit his nail and did all the above. He was antsy, had been so after twenty minutes of waiting in line.

To anyone passing by and peering into his car, Sam looked like a mother who left her baby at a daycare, and just wanted to get her child back **(A/N: FAV. LINE. IN. STORY! I love writing that line with Sam cause that's how I see his and deans relationship when it's good. Like when sam notices deans missing he goes into mother Sammy mode as I like to call it ;D also guys, when writing protective/caring!sam I'll use that line in ****every story****. Just letting y'all know:D) **Sam indeed was acting like he left his child somewhere and wanted it back **now. **He gave a quick sigh of relief as the orange car in front of him moved and quickly drove the car forward, ordering the same thing they always get: Dean, some giant greasy burger, and Sam, a salad of some sorts.

After getting their orders, Sam speed up, a feeling of dread growing in his belly. He wanted his brother, _now._

_**spn~spn~spn~**_

Sam ran out the impala, remembering to grab the food before bursting into their room. The sight that greeting him made the pit in his stomach grow. Dean sat on the bed, face paler then should be possible with eyes wide and empty, Castiel stood beside him, leaning down to look Dean in the eye, a worried look plastered onto the angels face.

"What happened?!" Sam called, his stride fast as he marched over to his brother and Castiel, who glanced up at Sam and gave a worried frown. Sam grasped Dean by the shoulders, slight relief at the feeling of Dean being _alive_, and asked, staring him in the eyes, "dude talk to me. What happened?"

That seem to shake Dean outta his funk, because he shook his head and snapped, "nothing Sam. Let me go."

Sam made a protesting noise as Dean pushed him away and got up, walking into the bathroom. Sam followed, only to get a door in the face. Sam frowned as he heard running water, and went over to sit on the bed. He frowned, a pain going through his head as he slumped backwards, eyes rolling up in the back of his head. The last thing he heard was Castiel asking if he was ok.

_"__**Fineeeee**__" Dean said, sighing loudly, causing Sam to jump in suprise. He winced, realizing he was in a memory again and, know this wasn't gonna be good, watched as himself walked out the door. Dean held his breath as the impalas rumbles finally faded, then sprang outta bed, rushing to get his boot on and grabbing his fake ID badge, ran out the door, saying softly "sorry Sammy can't wait for ya all day."_

_After closing and locking the door, Dean walked down the street, heading for the diner not even 15 minutes from the hotel. Sam let out a curse as he realized he could've gone there instead and saved a lotta time too._

_Dean ambled into the diner, a cocky smirk plastered on his face. He looked around for a minute, the sauntered up to the counter, sitting down on one of the chairs they placed there. He glanced over as a lady came his way, earbuds in one ear while her long brown hair was all over the place. Her gum smacked noisily in her mouth, a bored expression plastered on her face as she said, "what can I get for you sir?"_

_"You can get me a coffee, black, and," Dean said, flicking his badge open so everyone could see it was a FBI badge, "and you can tell me what's going on in this town."_

_The waitress stood up straight, surprise marring her face as she closed her mouth, the annoying _smack, smack _noise she made while chewing finally stopping._

_"Y-yes sir!" She said, pace slightly faster then before as she went to go get his coffee. Dean gave a smirk, and Sam smiled as he shook his head, silently laughing at his brother._

_The waitress came back and set the coffee down in front of him and Sam watched as Dean asked questions, amusement clear in his eyes as he watched the now flustered waitress._

_"So my fine lady, care to tell me what's be going ok in this fine town here?" Dean asked, and the lady opened her mouth to answer, when she was suddenly interrupted by a long, horrified scream echoing through out the streets._

**A/N: good god...me no like this chapter AT ALL. But whatever. Anyway what did you think of the nightmare thing? **


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA cliff hangers...new chapter time!**

Chapter seven-realizations and full truths

Sam jerked out of his sitting position, gasping in deeply. He turned to look at whoever had woke him up, a curse sitting on the tip of his tongue. Dean suddenly appeared beside him, sitting on the bed as he searched Sam's face for something. Dean must have found something cause he nodded and got up, calling out as he left the room, "imma tell cas your ok"

As soon as Dean was gone, Sam punched the bed he was sitting on in anger as he whispered "_god dammit!_"

He wanted, no _needed _to see what was going on with Dean. Speaking of the devil, Dean came back in, his stride slowing a bit as he took in a pissed of little brother glaring at him. Sam opened his mouth, and in his anger, said without thinking "you _fucking liar! _You promised you wouldn't go check it out and you _did!_"

Both brothers had a stunned look, and Sam winced, not wanting to start this conversation like this. Then the memory of when he came back to see his brother pale and _scared _was pushed back into his mind and his anger rose once more, causing him to talk without thinking once more.

"Why didn't you just _tell me? _Huh? Why'd ya keep it hidden?! I could've help! You **never said ANYTHING!**" Sam roared and watched as Dean shrank back slightly and felt guilt curl up hot and hard in his chest. He sighed, going for a gentler tone as he said, "I'm sorry, why didn't you tell me about...dad..."

Realization dawned in Deans eyes and he stood up straight and quickly. His voice barely shook, yet it did and Sam noticed this as Dean said, "what are you talking about not telling you? Not telling you about what?"

Sam strode forward, grabbing his brothers jacket and shoving it upwards, the scars marring Deans arm visible for everyone to see. Sam felt like crying as he said, "this...this is what I'm talking about. And I know...dad...I know _he _hurt you" Sam said gently, his voice however, darkened when he mentioned their dad. _No...that...__**man **__was anything but their father. _Sam thought darkly and slowly glanced up to his brothers face.

Deans face was pale and close, Sam not being able to see any emotion on his face. Dean sighed suddenly, rubbing a hand across his face, looking very tired. He looked at Sam with dull eyes and said, "who told you? Was it Bobby?"

The anger which had been almost gone flared again as he snarled "_Bobby knew?!_"

Dean had a surprised look at his outburst and mumbled out slowly, "guess he _didn't _tell you..."

Castiel spoke suddenly, scaring both brothers since they didn't see him come in. He glanced over at dean at said, "Dean why did you not tell us this had happened? Aren't humans supposed to ask for help when they are in trouble?"

Dean mumbled something that was supposed to be in audible but cause Castiel to narrow his eyes. Sam blinked and suddenly Castiel was hugging Dean, whose eye were wide as he struggled to get out of the angels grasp. Said angel bit out, and Sam was surprised to hear the malice in the angels voice, "no you _did not deserve it_."

Dean finally got out and step back, getting further from both Castiel and Sam as he said, "how did you find out anyway?"

Sam looked guiltily at Castiel and heard Dean mumble "son of a bitch, _seriously _cas?!"

"Why did you tell me? Why didn't you tell anyone?" Sam begged and dean just stared, then said "why do you think Sam? He threatened to go after you."

Sam felt his throat tighten and he thinks there might be a golf ball stuck in his throat too, making it hard to breath.

Castiel got a worried look on his face suddenly, causing Sam to look at him in alarm. He urgently said as Castiel face got grave, "Cas what's going on? Talk to me!"

"It's probally nothing..." Castiel trailed off, causing Dean to snort as he said "thanks for all that info Cas, very helpful."

Sam let out a gasp as the room started shaking suddenly, glass objects breaking as the hit the floor. He heard Dean let out a "s-s-o-o-n o-o-f a-a b-bi-t-ch!" as he was being shakes around. **(A/N: he said "son of a bitch btw! I wrote it like that cause the rooms shaking, just lettin y'all know!)**

The shaking stopped, causing both Winchesters to crash to the floor in a heap. After attempting to helping his brother up only to have his hands smacked away, Sam glanced at Castiel who some how managed to not move a muscle during the shaking.

Shaking his head and thinking _ehh angels..._, he said "what the hell was that?"

Noticing the troubled look on Castiels face, Dean asked "what's up Cas?"

"I place wards on the motel to tell me if demons or angels other then me try to enter. I also placed a ward for magic spells and incantations as well. They are set to go off if angels or demons produce spells and work them in our area and, from the way the wards going off..."

Castiel trailed off suddenly, then gave a sharp gasp. The room was dead silent as shock grew on the angels face.

"Come on Cas, give us something!" Dean exclaimed and Castiel glanced at him and Sam, face still covered with shock as he said, "someone...an angel...is pulling someone out of hell, like I did with Dean."

"Seriously?! Who would do a moron move like that?" Sam said, then seeing the offended look on Castiels face, said "I mean alone and not with other angels, like you."

_Who is it? Who are they bringing back? _Sam thought, as he started to pace around the room. As he made he fifth loop around the room, said room started to violently shake again, causing items to fly around the room and crash into the ground.

"It's Uriah!" Castiel said, as the brothers stumbled around. After a final rough shake, the room stilled and Dean said, "what the hell is that douchebag doing here?"

"He's the one doing the spell, but why?" Castiel mumbled then said, "I'll be back"

"Wait Cas n-" Sam said, only to be interrupted as Castiel teleported **(A/N: it whatever he does) **out of there, leaving them alone. Not even six seconds later, he's back and the shock on his face is evident.

Just as Sam opened his mouth to speak, footsteps where heard banging clumsily down the hall, heading for their door. Castiels eyes narrowed as they listened to the loud knocking noises that echoed through the room, as the footsteps stopped in front of there door.

Dean strode forward, gun clenched tightly in his fist from where he pulled it out the back of his pants, but was stopped by Castiel holding his arm out. Confused, Sam strode and pulled the door open, watching behind him as Castiel got into of protective stance in front of the now confused Dean, then turned to see who was ok the other side of the door. Sam let out a horrified gasp, the door swinging shut as he backed a couple steps up. The figure in the door way pushed to door back open, stepping into the room. Sam shook his head in denial, not wanting to believe it. The figure took a deep breath, stepping into the lights and said gruffly "hello again boys."

"John!"*******

**A/N: hahahahhahahaha PLOT TWIST! Didn't see that coming did ya?! Sorry the chapter was so short but I really didn't know how to bring John into play right so I took a chance and this is the out come...sorry! Also sorry it took so long hit school and homework and family...takes up alotta time.**

*****ok here **_**my**_ **theory: the angels, before trying to use dean as Michaels vessel, tried to bring john back alive and it worked, but Sam and Dean never saw him cause he died somehow before they could see him, hence why when Dean said no still, they brought Adam into play, since they knew it would work like with John, but this time taking Extra safe measure with both Dean and Adam.**


End file.
